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Writer's pictureSarah Cook

My Why: Because I Wanted to Be a Better Mom

Updated: Sep 20




Know Your Why for Better Outcomes


One day, I just realized that I yelled at my kids more than I cared to admit.


I realized they weren't babies anymore, things were changing and I wasn't keeping up. Emotions were at the forefront, our family dynamics were changing and they had more to say, more to ask, more ideas they needed a reply to, more opinions, more personality.


This was good, I wanted this, but I hadn't given myself the software update that went along with these changes and I was glitching with a weak signal.


One day I saw myself, like a fly on the wall... rushing them out the door and/or irritated for whatever reason, saying not now or that I was tired or I'd do it later, barking tasking commands and rushing some more. I was over-explaining mentally from books that I'd read and under-listening emotionally from a deeper sense of care. I wasn't present. I was calm and collected at work, but at home, I was someone else.


I wasn't being who I wanted to be as a mom.


I needed a software update. I needed a reboot.


I needed to change to be in better alignment with the dynamics of our team.. Team Family Cook. Not to just bark orders like an authority or to get run over like a door mat, but to learn how to joyfully and lightly be on the same team where everyone felt heard and validated. I wanted to be someone who embodied the heart qualities of deep care, empathy and active listening with presence.


I knew I needed to slow down but I didn't know how. My emotional reactions were often like a freight train and I didn't know how to stop the momentum once it started. Too often I was apologizing after and that got old.


So, I haven't written for a few months because I've been taking a deep dive into the heart, into HeartMath® research on the heart's intelligence and how to increase my own emotional intelligence so I can be a more patient, more loving, more caring, more compassionate mom. I've been going within, studying the science of the heart and walking the talk of the practice to keep my inner battery charged so I can think more clearly, respond more appropriately and generally be a more relaxed mom to be around.


I have learned a lot along the way!

Fun facts like:

  • Like that the heart sends way more information to the brain than vice versa.

  • Like how the emotions are the primary drivers of our state of health.

  • Like how our ability to self regulate our emotions is dependent on how much energy we have and we often leak energy emotionally without even being aware of it.

  • Like the important difference between stress and stressors and their effect on our energy levels.

  • Like how we're always communicating our emotions whether we know it or not.

  • Like how the brain is always looking for what's familiar and that's why it's so hard to change.


These things are measurable! And we can work with them.


Knowledge and information + actively practicing self-regulating heart coherence techniques + a genuine desire and intention to be more loving has all lead me to a new baseline, a couple of certifications in HeartMath and new friends who are committed to Being heart-centered people in the world.


Appreciate Your Efforts to Reap the Fruits of Your Labor


In a few months, with consistent awareness, I can honestly say I have changed. I'm more patient, my tone is calmer, I'm more empathetic, I'm genuinely more curious, my mental and emotional energy is more balanced and I sleep more deeply. For a bonus side effect I've noticed a decrease in social anxiety as well as more courage for expressing my heart.


I'm responding more than reacting.


I learned that it's a skill that we can learn and, like anything, we can practice. It's so important to celebrate those little wins to give you more energy to create more space with. So often we bowl over and focus on what's not going well instead of speak to the time where we made a different choice, executed it and observed it working!


I, by no means, have my shit totally together, pretend to not know it all or be perfect. (Just yesterday I didn't do so hot in an interaction with my son). This is life! and life comes with regular challenges and plenty of opportunities to try again. Knowing my why and recommitting to who I want to be creates better outcomes and that requires a pause, a breath into my heart and experiencing the feeling of how it feels when I make a choice I feel good about.


I am just saying if I could chart my progress on a quarterly performance review, it would be a general up slope trend. Enjoying the fruits of your labor and appreciating your efforts gives you energy to keep refining and evolving you thoughts, emotions and behavior.


So, I'm excited to share this information with you as a fellow traveler on the journey of life - not as an authority, but as a friend, as a fellow beating heart that is passionate about being the change I wish to see in the world.


If kids and grown ups, parents and teachers, employers, leaders and pretty much every human in general understood that our bodies are energy systems, the importance of sustaining heart-brain coherence, how big of a part emotions play in our physical and mental health then then we would be a lot happier, healthier, kinder and graceful or at the very least learn how to neutralize emotions like fear, overwhelm and anxiety.


With a little information and a sincere effort to execute some daily practices, we could feel more free to enjoy a life well lived.


EQ as a life skill for health and happiness


According to Science Direct, researchers have shown that our success at work or in life depends on Emotional Intelligence (80%) and only 20% of intellect, [or IQ, Intelligence Quotient].


HeartMath research also shows time and time again that emotions are the primary drivers of our physiology. That's why they developed techniques that are designed for life - on-the-go, in-the-moment that you can use to begin to add a little more heart to your challenges, performance and daily interactions.


One of my favorite examples of this is when a dear client came into my clinic back in May with a stiff neck that wouldn't move. Instead of getting on the table, we did a HeartMath session (same as I'll be sharing in an upcoming 6 week program), and by the end of the session, with new knowledge and information, interactive and experiential learning, and a little humor and genuine care, she regained full range of motion in her neck without any bodywork, without any massage, without any touch. Though we did hug before she left.


She changed her energy and her body responded. That's how it works. When you change your emotional and mental state, your body responds.


Beginning the second week of October, I will be teaching HeartMath sessions virtually over zoom every week for 6 weeks. There are two days and times to choose from. This will be an interactive group and I expect you'll be delighted by what you learn and experience.


If being a better parent, person, partner or overall human through the science and the spirit of the heart's intelligence is of interest to you, I hope you'll consider joining. Because I'm telling you, it feels so good to be responsive instead of reactive, to be actively calm and caring instead of endlessly tasking, to sleep instead of lying awake, to be composed rather than a basket case, to be laughing instead of yelling.


The thing is, most of us never learned any skills for emotional regulation and listening to our heart's wisdom. We learned math, writing, spelling, where Spain is on a map, how to mop floors and do laundry, but we didn't learn how to feel and express ourselves, not safely anyway. In fact, many of us learned how to not feel and how to keep quiet.


For many of us, feeling has been trained out of us with the focus being on IQ instead of EQ.


I don't want to just teach my kids the technical skills. I'd rather them know how to be genuinely kind and caring towards themselves and others and then learn the technical skills than know the technical skills but not know how to be comfortable in their own skin with empathy towards others. It's an embodiment that can't just come from the mind, but must be felt with the heart.


Take a moment to bring your attention to the center of your chest, breathing a little slower and deeper than usual. Let yourself pause and then ask your heart if it has any messages for you.


The mind thinks, but the heart knows.


Learning to feel and to be felt are superpower life skills so needed today for our youth and ourselves for a more caring, safe and compassionate world. I've learned that the Way is Through the Heart.


If this is of any interest to you or perhaps to someone you know, please visit here for more info and to reserve your spot.


Love,

Sarah




"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart."

-Hellen Keller




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