When I first started writing this blog it was an experiment to see if I could be disciplined enough to show up, follow through, no matter what emotion was passing through me at the time and share something authentic about what I was learning, teaching, practicing. And I put a structure to it as a personal challenge - one x week.
Know that saying: "What you own starts to own you?" This can happen with material stuff. And it can also happen with mental stuff. I'd call my personal challenge a success and now my contract with that challenge is no longer needed. Time to clean my mental house and make some space. How quickly things can become cluttered without mindfully tending the garden of the mind, body and spirit.
I had a reading from a dear friend on the new moon on Monday and it was so clear on the drive home to start anew for this rite of passage I'm stepping through. My kids are about to both be in school for the first time and I'm about to have some space in my days for the first time in 7 years. My husband and I made a choice to do full time parenting without daycare and as I see these children step out with a solid foundation, creative and independent, confident and attentive, at such young ages, I feel so grateful for the choice that we made. We're crossing the finish line on a chapter of our lives that has taken the better part of a decade and entering a new one with a lot of gray hair and great big beautiful hearts, like the rings of a tree that grow wider each year.
With that, I feel like having less to do. I'm taking things off of my list and getting rid of more stuff so I can rest during this transition. The season of change brings time for a pause yet again.
The habit, and I've been hearing myself saying this for awhile, is to, once you get more space, fill it up. It's an anxious kind of thing isn't it?. Oh I have more time now so sure I can be on the school board, work an extra day, make more commitments, etc. It makes my neck tense up. I feel it as a stabbing pain between my shoulder blades. My breathing becomes shallow. I'm more sensitive to all the noise.
Sure, we can do a lot of things but with your hand over your heart, you have to truthfully ask yourself, "What do I want to do?" "Does this support my being-ness?"
I think supporting your being-ness and knowing you're doing enough by simply existing in loving kindness is reason enough. And I believe it's the greatest way we can give and serve our family, friends and community.
We often produce and achieve and strive and perform as a way to say "see? I'm worthy of taking up space." But with a sigh, we remember there's nothing to prove. We don't need to prove our worthiness. We're already loved because we are love. Relaxing and sitting in the emptiness of nothing, nowhere, nobody is a wonderful endeavor... if you need one.
You know this. Somewhere deep within you, you know this. It resonates because it's where you came from.
I'll still write, yes. And I love to share, but not weekly. Not with so much structure. Instead, it'll be a surprise when it pops up in your inbox or on social media. One thing I noticed with writing weekly was that I was spending more time on social media caring what people thought than just writing for fun, like how it started out. And now I need to nip that in the bud, go sit under a tree by the river and just be in direct communication with spirit, humble, still, and spacious.
Because whether it's in writing, speaking, teaching, learning, listening, cupping, massaging, healing, visualizing, meditating, there's only one thing to remember: That we're already enough without having to do anything. We came into this earthly body and forgot, like the greatest forgetting ever, that we are loved and lovable exactly as we are. It's a splendid time to be alive - a lot of people are waking up and remembering who they are and where they came from - perfection, wholeness, oneness, an infinite universe, source, creation, God.
It is my prayer in my practice of work to help people become so relaxed that they can drop in and feel that connection to All-That-Is. They remember choosing life. They come home to themselves - in that wholeness, oneness, and love. That they are seen for their divinity and feel safe enough to let go.
In order to do that, I need to embody that in my life, too, listening for when it's time to shift and change. As my kids transition to school full time, I'm going to spend more time out in nature, sitting under trees, walking with no direction, floating down the river, looking at flowers, and just plain old hanging out with God, where the lines blur and I feel that union in my heart, strengthening that channel where communication flows freely and clearly.
May you also say "yes" to yourself in whatever way best serves you.